Reflection : On Children by Khalil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable

 

- Khalil Gibran -

Positive Parenting : The Type of Learning....Part 2

Children's Visual Characteristics :

• like reading and painting
• if they're thinking always looked up
• Easily crying or angry, very expressive
• Learning through observation and demonstration
• Easy to learn to read because it is fast to recognize letters
• Make a quick visual child can learn to read using flash cards. because the child will quickly absorb the visual flash cards with this method.
• have a strong imagination to see the detail of existing images.
• Communication tends to calm and did not talk much longer and loves watching something.
• Good response to art, has an appreciation of what art is seen in depth with details and components.
• The preferred activity usually draw.

Children's Auditory characteristics :

• Easy to learn through instruction from others
•  If they think look left-right
• Will easily learn to read using the approach through the sound of the word. So if there are flash cards, we mentioned the letter in the flash card itself is one by one then he will quickly understand.
• Easy to remember if it be repeated many times.
• No priority detail, more thought to rely on auditory.
• Like screaming if happy
• Explosive but quickly subsides, emotions clearly illustrated through the changes in magnitude of tone of voice, high and low tones.
• Glad to hear and tend to be repetitive in explaining. And like the music.
• Activities that are preferably used to play music.

Childrean's Kinesthetic Characteristics :

• Kinesthetic child will easily learn if you do something directly
• Look down when thinking
• method of flash card will be hard to apply to children kinesthetic
• It's easier to remember what has been done, rather than what he had just seen or said
• Less imaginative, because he prefers action/activity
• Like jumping up and down when excited, hugging, patting, and body movement as a whole flood of emotions
• Prefer to use movement to communicate when talking but less able to be a good listener
• The preferred activity is usually a lot of motion activities

(all image from this )
**From Workshop Hypnoparenting By Eva**

Positive Parenting....Part 1

Gambar diambil dari sini

If we want to implement positive parenting, we ourselves should be able to train serenity and patience, then we must come first pattern of positive thoughts and good before the parenting

Some important points for positive parenting on children as follows :

1. Children are small people

Treat children like adults even though he has not been large,but in fact many things that he has understood and can be treated the same as adults.

For example :

• Always give it a choice that he did not feel always governed, but of course as parents we can teach and direct where the better choice and important.  

• Let him independent even though some things centainly made easier.Especially in small things like a bath, brush teeth, change shoes, and change clothes.

• Always answer the question of children with correct answers as possible. Just do not lie to children, because if one day the child knows the lie, can reduce the confidence of children to parents.

• Avoid answer "Do not Know" as this can trigger a feeling lazy on a child to ask again to parents. Ask her to wait as long as we seek answers to questions.

• Explain the concept of cause and effect. Now is not the time parents who are authoritarian model, which substantially all the talk they were right and not be in the debate as his son. This is in addition to making the child can not think with logic also makes the children feel free and be away from their parents. Teach the concept of causation, and InshaAllah will make children easier to understand and easier to ask him to do something if it already get the sense fromhim.

• Do not repeat the same advice. Children would be bored if advised constantly with the same advice.

2. Know your child well
Especially the type of learning. Every human being has different types of learning from each other. Thera are visual, auditory or kinesthetic. These three factors are always present in every human being,but with a different percentage. How do I differentiate our children as children visual, auditory or kinesthetic? (will be described separately....in Part 2)

To be able to nurture our children according to type of learning, first, we ourselves as parents who need to know the type of learning

3. Greeting Parents is a prayer
For that always use positive words and affirmations effective in parenting. Do not to stamp our children with the label "naughty", "stubborn", "unruly". If our children hear, fear it will be a suggestion that goes to the boy. Avoid no-don't-not.

4. Avoid Conflict on Children

Do not use sentences which contradict, giving rise to questions on the child which in turn can make children doubt many things, like for example :

" Ouch...very clever mama's boy, all mussed. Good job...Go ahead let it all mussed plus a mess, really good :( "

5. Being a Role Model for our children

Children is a perfect copycat. For that we should be a role model and a good teacher to them, because the child would follow the example of all that is done by us,because they regard us as role models. Therefor, we must provide good role models through the example of direct.

6. Avoid High Expectation

We must learn to accept our children as it is. Because we love him even though he has many weaknesses, not because he has many advantages. We must become the number one supporter for our children. Learn what's best for us is not necessarily the best for our children. try to learn to put a reasonable standard and need not be excessively demanding.

And Most important thing is to avoid comparing your child with other children. Any result that have made our children as best he had, that must be done by us is praise him sincerely, then Encourage him so he could be better than the current achievement.

7. Being a Consistent Parent
The rules that we apply to their lives aiming to discipline them. Make a method of punishment and rewars consequences for them to obey the rules taht we already apply. Creative in applying this method.

8. Angry conditional
The reason anger is right and not because of our emotional outlet. Angered by the appropriate portion. Avoid physical punishment. Physical punishment will only make the child afraid and do not respect us as parents.
Angry with his action,not to the child. Show that we do not like his actions are not good.

(Translation from Indonesian : Workshop Hypnoparenting by Evariny Adriana)

Sebuah Renungan: Kita, Bukan Orangtua Malaikat

Pagi tadi, di facebook saya, ada kiriman notes dari seorang teman, sebuah tulisan yang dibuat oleh Ihsan Baihaqi (Direktur Auladi Parenting School), sangat menginspirasi sekali buat kita para orang tua...monggo silahkan dibaca dan direnungkan..

--------


Ayah, Ibu…..

Ketahuilah, menjadi orangtua terbaik untuk anak-anak kita

bukanlah berarti kita diharapkan menjadi orangtua 'malaikat'

yang tak boleh kecewa, sedih, capek, pusing menghadapi anak.

Perasaan-perasaan negatif pada anak itu wajar,

bagaimana menyalurkannya hingga tak sampai menyakiti anak

itu yang menjadi fokus perhatian.



Artinya, ayah ibu,

sebenarnya kita masih tetap boleh sedih, kecewa pada anak,

tetapi kita sama sekali tak berhak untuk melukai

dan menyakiti anak-anak kita.

Ketahuilah, melotot, mengancam, membentak

dapat membuat hati anak terluka.

Apalagi, mencubit dan memukul tubuhnya.

Tubuhnya bisa kesakitan,

tapi yang lebih sakit sebenarnya apa yang ada dalam tubuhnya.



Ayah, Ibu…..

Karena kita bukan orangtua malaikat,

maka yakinlah anak kita pun bukan anak malaikat

yang langsung terampil berbuat kebaikan.

Mereka tengah belajar ayah,

mereka masih berproses Ibu.

Seperti belajar bersepeda,

kadang mereka terjatuh,

kadang mereka mengerang kesakitan ketika terjatuh.



Demikian juga dengan perilaku anak-anak kita,

mereka bereksplorasi,

mereka berproses,

mereka mengayuh kehidupan

untuk meraih kebaikan

dan menjadi manusia yang berperilaku baik.



Ketika mereka terjatuh saat belajar berperilaku,

sebagian kita lalu memvonisnya sebagai anak nakal,

padahal sebenarnya mereka belum terampil berbuat kebaikan.



Jika Ayah Ibu membimbing kebelumterampilan perbuatan baik anak

dengan cara yang baik.

Insya Allah kebelumterampilan berbuat baik mereka

akan terus tergerus dari kehidupan mereka.



Tetapi Ayah, Ibu,

jika kita menghadapi ketidakterampilan ini

dengan tekanan, ancaman, bentakan, cubitan, pelototan,

mereka akan semakin terpuruk ke arah keburukan.



Ayah Ibu….

Yakinlah, ketika seorang anak emosinya kepanasan:

nangis, marah yang terekspresikan dalam bentuk

yang mungkin dapat membuat orangtua jengkel,

siramlah ia dengan kesejukan.

Menyiram kayu yang terbakar dengan minyak panas

hanya membuat ia makin terbakar.



Ayah, Ibu…..

Yakinilah, sifat-sifat negatif anak

hanyalah bagian 'eksplorasi' untuk mencari cahaya kehidupan.

jika kita memahaminya sebagai sebuah bagian proses kehidupan,

insya Allah anak-anak kita akan akan menebar cahaya untuk kehidupan.



Karena itu ayah, ibu…,

jika kadang amarah dengan kejahilian memperlakukan anak

mampir lagi dalam hidup kita,

kamus yang benar adalah 'inila uji ketulusan'

bukan kegagalan,

terus belajar tentang kehidupan,

bukan tak berhasil dalam kehidupan.

Belajar, memburu ilmu,

adalah ikhtiar yang kita tuju,

karena sebagian kita ketika menikah

tidak disiapkan jadi orangtua.



Jadi, ayah ibu,

mari kita terus belajar,

meskipun telah jadi orangtua: belajar….jadi orangtua.

Andaikan keluarga kita kuat,

insya Allah anak-anak kita memiliki ketahanan mental

terhadap lingkungan yang gawat.

***
Renungan: Kita, Bukan Orangtua Malaikat
Written By: Ihsan Baihaqi Ibnu Bukhari
Direktur Auladi Parenting School/Pendiri Program Sekolah Pengasuhan Anak (PSPA)


Aah....tak terasa airmata ini  menetes, ingin cepat kupeluk tubuh mungilmu...maafkan ayahbunda-mu nak..yang kadang tak sabar dengan segala tingkahmu..tapi kini kami sadar karena kami bukan orangtua malaikat...**peluk**

Apakah Kita Siap Menjadi Orangtua ?

Ada satu pertanyaan yang menggelitik hati saya, mengapa begitu banyak orangtua yang mengeluh kesulitan mendidik anak-anaknya. Apakah sesungguhnya kita siap menjadi orangtua? Inilah pertanyaan yang sering saya ajukan pada para orangtua pada tiap seminar. Jawabannya bisa bervariasi. Sebagian besar orangtua merasa siap. Tapi apa iya?

Mari kita coba flash back/tengok kebelakang, mulai sejak awal kita "berpacaran" dengan pasangan kita, bagi anda yang "berpacaran" tentunya. Apa yang jadi topik pembahasan utama waktu itu? Apakah persiapan untuk menjadi orangtua yang baik? Atau hal-hal lain yang jauh lebih menarik untuk dibicarakan? "You Know What I Mean?" (tahukan maksud saya-red)

Mari kita coba maju sedikit pada saat kita hendak melangkah ke pelaminan/pernikahan. Apa yang jadi topik pembahasan utama Anda berdua waktu itu? Apakah persiapan untuk menjadi orangtua yang baik? Ataukah persiapan untuk mencari tanggal baik-bulan baik, gaun pengantin, tempat resepsi, catering, souvenir, undangan dan pernak-pernik lainnya?

Baiklah sekarang mari kita maju lebih dekat lagi, pada saat masa kehamilan istri menjelang 9 bulan. Apa yang menjadi topik pembahasan utama saat itu? Apakah persiapan untuk menjadi orangtua yang baik? Ataukah persiapan perangkat bayi, dokter pilihan, rumah sakit pilihan, nama pilihan, apa lagi? Yang semuanya serba pilihan, kecuali  buku-buku pilihan untuk menjadi orangtua yang baik dalam mendidik anak-anaknya.
Pada saat anak kita dilahirkan, apakah kita mendapat buku manual dari rumah sakit tentang bagaimana mengelola dan mendidik anak kita secara tepat?

Jadi, dengan cara apakah kita selama ini mengelola anak kita? Ya, anak kita yang meruapakan makhluk paling canggih yang pernah diciptakan Tuhan di muka bumi ini.

Lalu, sesungguhnya kapan tepatnya kita mulai mempersiapkan diri kita untuk menjadi orangtua yang baik bagi anak-anak kita tercinta? Kapan tepatnya kita mulai mempelajari teknik-teknik mendidik anak yang tepat?

Sedangkan untuk mengoperasikan handphone yang canggih saja kita selalu dilengkapi dengan buku manualnya, yang memungkinkan kita untuk menggunakan semua fasilitas yang dimiliki secara tepat. Sementara bagaimana dengan anak kita?

Para orangtua yang berbahagia, kabar gembiranya adalah lebih baik terlambat dari pada tidak sama sekali, dan jika kita termasuk orang yang terlambat maka sekarang adalah saat yang paling tepat untuk memulainya. Mari kita belajar untuk menjadi orangtua yang baik anak-anak kita tercinta....

( I Love U Ayah Bunda - Ayah Edy)